I was working on a project tonight and something triggered a memory of an album that I used to have. The album was called Medals by Russ Taff. Russ Taff used to sing in a Christian group called The Imperials. When I was a small child, I would listen to my father’s Imperials records and one of my favorite songs was called The Eagle Song. I was just a kid but as I got a little older, Russ Taff split off from the Imperials and my brother bought the cassette Medals. I was 15 when the album came out. I remember coming to Corpus Christi one summer and I had one of the old Sony Walkmans that played cassettes. I went to the beach with one of my cousins and her friends and I went for a walk down the beach and was listening to music. I remember, even at 16 years old, how I felt walking down the beach, listening to the album. I remember feeling so secure in my feelings that God was in my life, watching over me, protecting me, involve with me. A friend of my cousin named Darlene, walked up next to me, tapped me on the shoulder and asked if she could listen to what I was listening to. I handed her the earphones ¬†and she put them on. She listened for a few seconds and then took off the headphones and said, “you’re a different kind of 16 year old boy.” She was 17 years old. I didn’t really pay too much attention to what she said and I went right back to listening. I remember the song I was listening to. It was called “Here I Am” These are the words to the song.

Here I stand
Just a child of my time
I’ve opened up my heart
Let me come home
Home to where my life will be strong
Am I standing alone
Just a verse without a rhyme
Or could it be at last
A final journey home
The place that I have searched for so long
I can take it or leave it
But the time has come for me to receive it
Listen to me call
(I’m calling, I’m calling)
I can let it go or keep it
But the time is right for me to surrender
Watch the shadow fall

Here I am (Because you love me)
Willing to be broken
Here I am (Because you love me)
Coming closer to you
Giving you my will

Here I stand
Willing to become as new
Send me out prepared
Covered in your love
Ready to be a light to the world
I’m not standing alone
You are with me all the time
And we now begin
Our final journey home
I’ll be yours and you will be mine
I can’t take it or leave it
But the time has come for me to receive it
Listen to me call (I’m calling, I’m calling)
I can let it go or keep it
But the time is right for me to surrender
Watch the shadow fall

That was a long time ago. I hadn’t heard that song in probably 26 years until I thought of it tonight. As I listened to it and I was working on my little project, I felt my eyes well up in tears. I was so touched and it took me back to that place where I felt so secure. I remember feeling the embrace of God around me. It’s a feeling that I haven’t felt in a long time. Over the past 25 years, I’ve felt progressively more detached from my Creator. Ive made decisions in my life that have drawn me further away from the love of God. Those decisions have dragged me away from the protection of God. I have let that relationship fade.

My 18 year old daughter moved out of the house a week and a half ago. She is upset with me because of selfish decisions that she has made and she doesn’t want to deal with the consequences. I texted her today and told her that I loved her and told her she could come home and I would always provide for her but she would have to live by the standards I expect in my house. She has chosen to stay away from the house. I miss her terribly but I stand strong in my position that she will be safer, happier, and more secure if she will follow my direction.

This is the first thought that came to mind while listening to this song again tonight. I sat at the dinner table and thought how easily it has been to drift away from my Father. He has, on several occasions, shown me that he will take care of me if I will come home. I have a nice home and nice things. I’m comfortable from a monetary standpoint but I am tormented by some of my memories and past actions. I could easily live in a shack if I could just have peace of mind. If you read my other posts, I’ve made plenty of good choices that have allowed me to provide a loving home for my children. I’ve protected them. I’ve been fortunate by having a father that is 84 and healthy and easily has 20 years left with us. I’ve been fortunate having a mother that is always willing to provide wise counsel and direction, even at 80 years of age. I’ve been fortunate to have a brother and sister who have become successful. From the outside looking in, I’ve lived a healthy and productive life but as I sat at the dinner table tonight, I felt like a huge part of my life had been left behind on that beach, sitting in the sand, with that Sony Walkman with that Russ Taff cassette inside.